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This art piece is a visual expression created by members of the Ohio Valley Center who gathered for the 1995 Empowerment Retreat at Recreation Unlimited Camp in Ashley OH. The composition directly portrays one group's experience of reality after living with brain injury.
The time was limited at the 1995 Ohio Valley Center (OVC) Empowerment Retreat, so I built the three-dimensional images of the four states that constitute the OVC community: Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, and Virginia. The group members wrote about their individual experiences with brain injury and recovery. Copies of the pages create the background surface of the canvases; the original writings fill the accompanying art book. The writing process provides an opportunity for people to reflect.
Participants individualized the canvases so there were personal meanings and ownerships for each individual. Geographical location of injury was marked by some. The group decided to express having brain injury from left to right. The first canvas represents the injury. The green road begins here (the color green representing the positive association that one participant associates with her successful healing). Intricate, crater-like holes are still cracking the surface. This visual symbol represents the deterioration that many participants relate to as they recall their comas and acute recoveries. The word "Believe" was passionately written by a mother of a son with a severe traumatic brain injury (TBI). Her spirit embraces the spirit of the entire group.
The second canvas symbolizes the beginning of the recovery process. Trees are painted for the difficult, yet freeing growth one woman has experienced along her personal journey. All can relate to this experience. The dark line of color represents the difficult times of extreme depression. The bottom of the composition shows the upward climbing of dark colors ascending rapidly in the third canvas as they lighten in shade. This transformation is parallel to the assent that occurs during recovery from brain injury. As one climbs higher, the color gets lighter as white and lightness enter that person's reality. The large splotches of color symbolize that it is returning to people's lives. The color splotches come together on the last two canvases in the realization of the rainbow. The brightness of yellow is not present for many in the second stage of recovery. It is painted with love and compassion by family members and people with brain injury. The rainbow represents the hope that supports one along the journey. A pot of gold is painted near the end of the rainbow, with a red heart surrounding it. The green road of recovery continues off the canvas as the recovery process continues beyond the confines of reality. Most participants have signed their names along the edges of the canvases.
Richard L. Browning Jr.
The Oak Leaf
With me being a (HIS) (Head Injured Survivor), at times I feel just like a oak leaf blowing in the breeze; I must go with the currents, whever they may go. Like every other (HIS)? Only if all of us (HIS) were still part of the Oak tree we came from!? We would have the stegnth of that Oak Tree! Each one of us by ourselves, has no more strength then the lowly leaf. But collectively we can be as strong as the tree is itself, or stranger!? The way I see it; One group has the strength of one small twig, one state can have the strength of one limb. All states combined can have the strength of the main trunk! Now the hard part is to get us back together again, so we all can have that combined strength again. If half of us like the way we are being blown by the wind, or don't care? And the other half thinks everything could improve; We will never get the combinedstrenth that we need. All we need to do is to get our perspectives all working collecttively together for the benefif of all of us!? Once we get all of our perspectives working together for the same goal. We can, and will become the strongest influencial group in the country! We must never lose sight of that great oak tree we want to emulate. The main idea is to plant your roots, set you goal; Start growning toward that goal to get what you want within reason!
(8) eight years ago I suffered a (CHI) in a Motorcycle accident in SW Texas. I was comatose for about three weeks. My old girlfriend came out to my hospital, she helped to bring me out of my COMA (6) six months after I was released from the Rehab. hospital, my doctors prescribed me two different medications, that had adverse side effects on me; One caused cognitative thinking problems. The other caused impotance. She eventually, conned me into marrying her! We both knew I would have problems handeling my finances. So I let her handel my finances for me. In the process of doing that she found out I had a A-1 credit rating. She talked me into buying things for us, mostly for her benefit! She took all of my savings, of about $10,000 went out, and blew all of it on her alcohol, and drug habits; Impressing all of her boyfriends. about the time she thought I might find out about all of her boyfriends; She divorced me, leaving me about $15,000.00 in debt! So far in debt! along with destroying all of my credit I will never be able to recover in my lifetime! Now if I try to get a small loan just for $500.00. I get turned down for my bad credit rating. At least, in that process she even completely destroyed her own credit. Before she started the divorce against me. She flipped over our ford Bronco after comming home, from being out drinking with all of her boyfriends that night. When we got our divorce she got our mobil home that we purchased when we got married. She couldn't afford it with all of her new boyfriends! So it got reposessed when she quit making payments on it. Which totally destroyed both of our credit ratings!
After getting away from the area I was in when we got divorced, my recovery has improved 100 fold. To where I was active in (3) three different State Associations, Foundations, and chapters. Also in the pocess I have had no contact with her at all. She don't even know if I'm dead ar alive? which will work for me, because I don't even need the headaches that she would try to provide!
...was not happy that her baby was leaving home number one but headed to Richmond. I did great my first year, being away from home that is, considering I was home every weekend. Home to see what was at the time my boyfrined maybe I should say boy cause he was no friend at all leaving me to face this all on my own. Well I will give hima little credit he stuck by me for a while. I wish he would have jsut up and left, then I probably would not have remembered him.
I was in a traumatic automobile accident. This accident left me in a coma. Paralyzed on my right side. Needless to say I was not able walk I was also not able to talk. Along with those fatalities come the everyday happenings which eventually msut be solved before they turn into major problems An example would be the restroom. NOW why the hell do the doors have locks that normal (whoops what is normal anyway?) that uninjured people have troubles with in the first place
Matthew Parker
ten (10) long years ago I had a great fall
broke my bones and crushed my skull
many weeks I couldn't see
play ball or drink iced tea
with very hard work and a lot of prayer
we peeled off the troubles layer by layer
now I have a home and with the help of my aid
some people think "you have it all made"
there's friends and help for one and all
don't lay in bed curled up like a ball
so start right now with a smile on your face
get back in the grove (groove) with the human race
author - my father, Richard C. Parker
Just do Something
this is my stuff!
it was pretty tuff!
with alot of luck,
I won't look like a smuck!!
if you could see me, you would wonder, "could this be?"
now I'm having fun,
since it's all done!!
you can do it too---
just use lots of "dooo-ittttts!!"
Stephen Snider
On the Job Training
Hello. Yes, this is Effie Parker. You are not bothering me. Yes, I have time to talk. We do have a Traumatic Brain Injury Support Group. In fact, two. Both meet in our son Matthew's home the first Tuesday and the third Wednesday of each month. You and your family are welcome. Tell me more about your needs. It's O.K. if you can not contribute now. We have a core membership of family members and survivors that share hope, answer questions, and identify with your need for information and understanding.
Our tenth year anniversary since Matthew's accident, is this June 6, 1995. June 6, 1985 is when Matthew and all his family met "BLACK THURSDAY" ! We were all changed. The accident tested our faith and commitment to lofe. Much prayer and very hard, hard work, determination, seeking until finding resources, (as needed) lead us to become our own advocate. the journey of being totally ignorant about traumatic brain injury has lead us through a maze of, "I do not know". We were not the only ones ignorant.
To make a life is our goal. to encourage, to challenge, to make happen, to be persistent, and adapt to a lifetime of "what can be done to reach my goals!"
God help us andshow us the way---LIFE GOES ON!! Amen.
I often wonder how life might have been
Why? Why me? Why this? Why now?
Pain and hardwork seem to go hand in hand at least for me
But with pain is growth
Like a flower
I am blooming
Tomorrow is yet to come.
Colleen M. O'Neil
Jeff Spencer 4-1-95
On Feb 11, 1992 I had a lilateral brainstorm infarction to put it in medical terms. (brainstorm stroke). I was previously employed by United Parcel Service and stiil am. Currently I am living with my parents and colecting SSDI which is 1, 052.00 a month. My uncle on my father's side of the family at the younf age of 35, suffered an anuerism. He has since completely recovered but can't lift heavy objects. I have never smoked nor have I ever had High blood pressure. I have always prided myself in trying to keep myself as healthy as possible. My nuerologists says that my accident could have possibly occurred because of genetic background. I was otherwise a healthy UPS man. To make a long story short, I am currently volunteering at Chesapeake General Hospital 2 days a week on t and th. Wed and Fir I also volunteer at the Eastern Virginia Medical School for a total of weekly hours of about 20 hours. I am also able to drive a car now. Initially I lost my ability to drive. I'm also doing physical therapy twice a week and I'm going back to college at TCC in the fall. I have become much more spiritually stronger through my experieince and I give almighty all the praise for what I can do and don't pout over what I can't do.
This has happened to me...
I'm old (49), had my family (wonderful husband, four sons, now getting grandchildren) self employed (self-centered?) for over 20 years and a few bouts of hospitals-but- now WHY ME........
someone phones the shops; very softy, very ensuring tells me my husband had fallen(?) at wokr (so what) and has been taken to the hospital. She said that I must not come alone,....now who an I going to get? to go with me? " Well, my son?" she says that as soon as I get a hold of him...come...But remember, don't come alone...(those big city hospitals, they are so stupid; I can do anythingalone........okay......okay.......#3 son, Tony works for UPS and I can get a hold of him anytime..I be there soon. When I walk into the emergency room; ralph is tyed to that stretcher, He has some big plastic neckbrace...those big city hospitals...they take so many precautions...well that's understandable these days--but they didn't need to drug him like that did they?? What...he's had 3 brain injuries...he's in a coma? You're transporting him up to intensive care? Why? isn't there any other beds? Now three days later, they still have him drugged into a sleep-like state. (they say he's in a coma; but I know) my if he only knew.....maybe not........
I AM BECOMING
My life has dramatically changed becuase of the TBIwhich entered my world 6 1/2 years ago.After dealing with the depressing changes such as employment problems, divorce, memory loss, friends departing, and loss of organizational skills; I was bale to start building my NEW life based on a rearranged list of priorities. Doctors, nurses, family, and friends convinced me that my life being spared and my recovery was a miracle, so God has a purpose for my life. After countless hours in evaluation, self-examination and prayer; I have learned there are 4 parts to this purpose.
No longer is money the most important driving force in my life.
Denny Carter
Cindy Willard
Just the other day my weight trainer referred to me as "one of those people". "One of those people", excuse me, but just what the hell do you mena? By now all my anger and hostillity toward ignorant comments. ( I say ignorant cause they just do not know) In the first palce I feel if you don't have anything at all speaking of comments, I received a great comment or compliment from a close friends mother whom I haven't seen for about 10 years. After school we went our own ways. he went to New York ...understand compliments are scarce and rarely given. Believe me as much of a struggle life has been, I recognise a compliment when it concerns my progress. Mrs. Myer told me that I sounded wonderful. what tickles me, is she understood every word I said. You've got to understannd how unusal that is in my case. Plus I was on the telephone which is more difficult mainly becuase people cannot watch your mouth to read your lips.
Timothy
In The Darkness
All the cars are rushing by on the edge of town
things were looking up,
But now they're dragging you down
now people think they know. But they won't ever feel your pain, they'll never feel the fire that's burning in your veins.
(Chorus) Somewhere in the darkness!
You're gonna face your fear
Somewhere in the darkness!
Now we all have demons form our past
We try to shake them, but they keep on coming back.
We all go through changes and what those changes bring, you could win it all or you might lose everything.
You're not the only one that's running from their fear,
nothing seems right and nothing is clear. Your life feels hopeless and you keep on getting lost
(CHORUS)
sometimes it just seems useless, to keep playing a losing game, you go around pointing fingers, when you're the only one to blame.
You gotta reach down in your heart, though it's busting at the seams.
You gotta reach down in your soul and hold on to your dreams, you only live once so reach out and take it, give her your heart, even though she might break it, if you open your eyes you may finally see the light...somewhere...somewhere in the darkness! yeah! uh huh!
I am still stubborn, hard headed
memories
hardship
struggling
long road
work
enjoying life
success
rewarding
happiness
These are some of the words and feelings I have today about myself after 7 years of the new life I have now.
From: Gracie B. Williams
I really LOVE the lifestyle that I have CREATED since my accident.
I have had an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
I've made TODAY BE THE FIRST DAY OF MY NEW LIFE--I am using this as a BEGINNING rather than an ending!
Can't Even climb a foot stool
TBI left me unable to write plain , remember big words or use them
am happy to be alive to vlenteer at piqur center for neurological rehabittion
help pattern young children and stroke victims which ...
Ralph Chappie, OH
About 12 years and 8 months ago I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got hit by a train. My truck and trailer was totalled and I landed on my head. I was unconscious for about two weeks. They thought I was dead two or three times. But I am stil here.
My road to recovery was a long and hard road. First thing was I had to remember who I was. Then I had to get to know my new self because I knew that I was different but that was the hardest thing I had to do. Remember my old self and try to be like I once was. But unfortuately or fortunately I could never do that so I decided to do something different which was to be as good as I could be. which is one thing that took four or five years to over come and admit to. I finally decided that I didn't like myself and got to hate my self and was my own worst enemy but then after my wife and got divorce and I bot lonnly I met a lady that brought me out of my depression and got me to like myself. I should have first said had two girls Katie and Jessica and I love my girls very much. My lady friend Elaine and I got married and in two had another daughter who is Alicia and now as I'm writing this is 7 1/2 years old. Brittiny told me to right about my knew life and It will take a genius to figure this out. But I have learned one of the most important things as a head injury survivor is that what ever you DON'T GIVE UP. have faith in GOD. and you'll surprise yourself
Pete Peppil
This is what happened to me.....
On march 17, 1994, at 12:30 a.m. they tell me I HAD A REALLY BIG accident.
After a card party with my friends from work, I ran off the road. It wound up ruining my car...and I also wound up being Life-Lined to Indinapolis to Methodist Hospital. I had surgery on my head to remove a blood clot from my brain. I was in Nero-critical care (and wound up with A LIFE...and a long, long, LONG stay at the hospital. I was in different hospitals for 4 1/2 months.
I have just now finished 8 month of out-patient therapy...
Sure, the wreck's over...But there's always THAT out there--higher insurance rates,...and those things that have changed since the wreck. For instance, I have trouble rembering things, I have to look for a new job and a new car now...
STARTING OVER
It's been 81/2 yrs since my injury Just during the past week I've felt the need to once again start over. It seems that wheen things get too difficult or overwhelming I jsut stop and start over. 8 years ago I would not have allowed myself the freedom to do this. The expectations I had of myself were far too high and I demanded perfection of myself. Today things are different, it is just no big deal. This has been one of God's greatest gifts to me; to not take myself or things so damn serious. What a blessing. In spite of all the bad, I can find some good in that which I mad happen to me. Finally, I believe in my heart that there is a purpose and reason for all that I go through. The best part is, however, that I no longer have to be in charge.
Thanks God for my many gifts, especially the gift of being able to recognize and be able to start over.
JA...
Shaun Dixon
There was a time when I thought I had lost my own life, because it had become so immersed in the life of my roommate survivor of 4 1/2 years. I tried to run from the situation, after 3 years but the time was not right. so I stayed and learned to communicate my needs to autonomy and my desires for her independence-
She is more independent and I am developing my own life style.
This progress has required alot of communication-sometimes painful, but necessary.
The truth is, lest this seem one-sided, my friend, Judy Connell, TBI survivor has taught me more about living life to the fullest and being positive than any human being I've ever known.
Caregiving is a two-way street. With honest, loving communication about needs being met or ignored-both the survivor and the caregiver can grow and learn from each other-
My life has been changed in ways I'm just beggining to know. It's as though I am the spirit of a small child trying to find his way again. It's hard taking on a new personalitites at age 29. I'm trying to take it a day at a time. I saw 3 rainbows during my recovery. I drew a picture of my rainbow and made my own symbol. As far as spirituality I have been reading many of the views of Native American Wisdom and Native American Religion. I believe very much in their point of view. The Great Spirit (God) created us all to share mother earth and care for her. It's time to start showing we care-she is our mother.
Timothy Pilcher (?) A-HO!
I'm not sure how my life was ... my automobile accident. From different understandings, I was very mindful with a large tolerance.
The only hospital I recall being a patient in was a rehabilitation hospital...I was very ...?, even though the accident left me with an infant I.Q. I have been and is still recoverng from my accident. I feel proud of speaking about my mathematics skills although other skills are quite negative
Bruce...
4-1-95
After my Head Injury
Life is a new challenge-but my ammunition isn't the same. The battle is more difficult and my armament is weaker.
I meet a problem in my life and for a very long time it was confronted as if I had my old abilities. I faced each difficulty lke a happy high school student-Trying to climg Mount Everest with tennis shoes and a 10 foot lariat.
I still confront things and deal with current issues as if I will remember them when needed and attend appointments as scheduled-think about them continnuosly, only to be asked the next day "Where were you."
July 24, 1977
It was a warm summer morning. We had stopped at a store ... to get breakfast food for a snack. We turned onto 1225 Russel st. where the patient lived. It was 9:10 in the morn. At about 9:15 we had stopped to strap the patient down, since he was going into an epilectic seizure.
My incident, which left me in a coma for 6 weeks, happened back in 1987; July 4. I was at a stage in my life where everything seemed unsurmountable. So I chose alcohol as my relief.
It was a beautiful sunny day at the beach on that particular day. After a full day of party in at the beach, there were parties to attend afterward. On my 6th or 7th party, the drugs took its toll on my balancing act called walking "D-D-D-Da? -vision" had begun. I did not intend doing nothig but sleeping. Wrong! An old school chum and a new school chum borbarded me head/ears w/ pleas of me taking them home. I told them or I thought I made it clear to them, that I was in no condition to "d-d-d-drive." to no avail, I "thought" I had took them, and amongst the journey hit a pot-hole or two. Which I, speedily hurrying (Datsun-200sx) flipped the car several times and me no seat-belt, flew half-way out and snapped my collar-bone. It rolled on top of me (1/2 way out) then flung me into the woods. Where I layed til found. Then preceeded to Lounged/fighting for my life for 6 weeks in ICU. July 4-August 25th
Just Titles...Still a Survivor
I was elected to 4th term as OHIA Chapter president and serve on the ORSC consumer advisory Council Governor's Council on People with Disabilities and OHIO Legal Rights PAIR grant Advisory Council 15 years after my accident, but this are jsut words, people still say "Yes, but did you know that she is a survivor." Thank you for the Leadership Retreat in helping to dissolve these barriers.
Maralyn W. Robertson RN
I have been given a challenge today - to be as a therapist - the "listener" more. to listen to your concerns/challenges that are important to you. and to help you find ways to meet them. I feel I often lose sight of what's important to me and what's important to you. It is hard to separate and define what needs to be done and why. but also to take time to explain to you that I do try to understand and do care about your needs. I see you as a person first but don't always show it-sorry
I became handicapped -Brain injured back in 1981. I have dealt with society, from friends to supervisors, since that time and with varying degrees of success. People do not want to step outside of their usual stride, even if what they would do would help someone, unless they are confronted about the issue. People need to gain understanding/compassion for others, for us, and it is coming around that way, but it is slow in coming.
Maybe someday we can reintegrate into society, but first the public will have to re-evaluate our usefulness and come to a new conclusion in that we can do something that is positive. Once the problem of our being peoples who just always need things to be done for us, turns to peoples who need things and we need assistance with them, to got them accomplished wit us, the reintegration will be more accepted by the public that do not kow about a head injury.
We need understanding and compromise, but we cannot lose sight of our final goal, acceptance, in our struggle to re-enter society.
Ma...
PAUL BERGER
-I think my grammer so angry
-my right side
-I carry a brief cave
-I pay low wage
-I ??? want job where I think
-My right shoe string untie
-I am pain
-I talk "Stroke" if I talk my sentence.
-I change from shy to outgoing
- I growe from long not talk , charrwheer to drive, work, not walk
-I pay "Roy Roger' restaurant, I ??hold food, employer hold food
Judith D. Connell
I cry so deep with sadness
I hear the echo of my heart
Inner tears so hardened
with pain-they will not flow
for they are afraid to weep,
as I fear they will sweep
me into a river of non-existance
never to be again.
I hurt
I have pain
I am sad
Where did I go to
I'm here
I can't get out
My sorrow runs deep like a crevas from a top
a mountain deep into a canyon.
I'm lost-I see no light to escape, like a crack in a rock which never mends
But I am strong- as tough as that rock
my spirit feels crushed and faded
my environment has thrown garbage upon me
at that I halt and say wait a minute
do not walk on me when I'm down
Do not walk on others when they are down
Do not walk on us, for we are human
open your eyes
Please see my cry
I reach my hand to a higher source
It is revived with comfort
I cry out-take my fears for they
are too heavy for me to carry
The Lord accepted my burden as I was fading from existance
he holds my hand as I journey my path-still all unknown-but put into trust.
On November 14, 1988 I made a bad decision. I tried to run over a car with my motorcycle. I went into a coma for about 1 month as a result of the TBI. I stayed in the hospital 6 months. The injury causes me many problems in different areas and has been a lot of trouble for me. But I don't want to go into that. I would rather tell you about good things. they told me I probably would never walk again-but I do. They said I might not be able finish my schooling, but I went back to college and did better than I had before. I graduated last May. I've been put in a bad situation, but I won't let it get the best of me. I'm not the same person I was before and can't do alot of things I could do. But that's OK because nobody can do everything. Things are just different now, so I have to learn techniques to compensate for the difficulties I have. I feel that I can accomplish any goal I set for myself. I will live a long, successful fulfilling life despite my condition because I will never give-up and I'll strive to accomplish my goals. I hope that everyone who has suffered a brain injury also will keep their courage and desire to accomplish the goals they've set for themselves. Things may go slowly and be very troublesome but you can't give up. It's important because when you give-in it's over. my life not's over, it's just starting.
I had a head injury I didn't want But I'm there. So in trying to back to a normal life I've become aware of disability issues, that I wasn't aware of and I would like to make it more easier for other head injuries so if can I will relating to similar problems
But life is change and you have to change with it