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This art piece was created by three members of the Ft. Collins Head Injury Support Group in Ft. Collins, Colorado. The composition directly portrays one group's experience of life after sustaining traumatic brain injury (TBI).
This art piece is very powerful, although the images and colors are minimal. It is an abstract expression of three very real experiences of living after TBI. Getting a group together in Ft Collins resulted in a last minute act of faith and trust, on the participants' part mostly, and also on my part as the facilitator. I knew one person was interested for sure, so the workshop was "ON" as far as I was concerned. Two days before, the second member committed, and it wasn't until the night before that our third and equally important member joined. After discussing the workshop on the phone with me four days before the actual workshop, the first member had a clear vision of the form of a body (his body) floating in space, alone and isolated. The second participant experiences severe aphasia (inability to speak words that one knows, understanding fully what is spoken to her, yet unable to respond in language. She has also lost the ability to read and write). The last joining member is the youngest and most recently injured; she feels the most fear, depression and sadness. All three participants experience hemi-paralysis (damage to a certain part of the brain in one hemisphere, partially paralyzing the movement of the opposite side of the body) to some degree. I only define each member as I see such unique beauty and power in each and all of them.
After brain-storming for a long time, and generating many words, all took very well to Brian's idea of a floating figure. So "What will this one figure look like, what kind of gesture?" Brian gestured his desired pose and all agreed. Asking for a pose so I could draw it produced three different poses, so each person demonstrated his/her individual gesture. All three are represented on the canvas; unique, reflecting individuality and relating to each other in symbolic ways. The figure on the far left represents with living with the effects of semi-paralysis, having the left limbs totally disconnected from the body. The colors reflect the sensitivity and gentleness of the participant's true self. The center figure is floating with joy and feelings of gratefulness although slow processing abilities limit self expression. Life is a gift yet feelings of out of place are strong. The will of God is the center figure's strength, every day, although she feels great sadness and frustration. The figure in the bottom right corner holds all of the negative feelings for the group; sadness, depression, loneliness, pain, anger and feeling so different than others. The brain-stormed words fill the composition as they lie over each individual's writings.
5/13/95
After all I have been through I am just so grateful that I am alive and doing so well. God has given me a second chance for a reason that I have not totally understood yet. Before my accident my life was totally out of control, I was drinkin and druggin daily. I really didn't deserve to live but God kept me alive for some reason, and I want to be alive to find out the reason why.
Since my TBI I have become so much more of a complete person, even though I have numerous limitations. I am much more spiritual than before. I don't take God for granted anymore. I get on my knees daily and thank him for keeping me sober (I'm also a recovering alcoholic) for giving me the gift of life, and just for the simple things (sunny days, good friends, good day at work, etc)
My TBI was caused by alcohol and because of that I've had to learn to deal with quite a bit; my addictive personality, the pain I've put my parents and sisiter through, I'v ehad to get through the denial and learn to accept the fact that, I, do indeed, have a head injury. Since my injury I've grown so much closer to my parents, I have a better understanding of who my true friends are, I've grown closer to God, I don't take near as much for gratned and I enjoy the little things in life.
On May 19, 1992, my life was forever changed. We had an employee golf tournament where I was working at (up by Vail). After the tournament we had a barbecue and a few beers, then some of us went to a bar where we continued to drink for a couple more hours. when we left the bar, I hopped in a car with a so called friend who said he was alright to drive. We got 2 miles down the road and he lost a 20 or 30 ft. embankment and I was thrown thru the windshield. I was found 1/2 an hour, after the accident about 50 ft. from the truck, I was stabilized up at Vail and then flown to Denver where I was in a coma for nearly 3 weeks.
Thru all of this I've learned so much. Life is a gift. I just need to keep that in perspective. Sometimes I lose perspective and get very frustrated-alone and depressed. But, I just thank God and keep on keepin' on.
EXPENDABLE ......................... LASH OUT
........................................................ CAUSE
FEAR
.........SHIT HAPPENS ................ PITY .......... EFFECT
DEPRESSION .............. FUTILE ..................DISMEMBERED
ALONE .....................GUILT/SHAME ....................PAIN
............... RELEARN
LASH OUT ...............FUCKED UP ................SEXUALITY
LIMITATIONS ...............................STRUGGLE
LUCKY/FORTUNATE ........IMMORTAL .......... OUT
...................................................... OF
..................................................... PLACE
LACK OF PATIENCE...............EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER
.......................................SLOW PROCESS
CHANGE..........SELFISH ............. DIFFERENT
............................................FEELINGS COMBINED
POWERFUL
.......................PRAYER ................POWERFUL
INSIDE QUALITIES COUNT MORE THAN OUTSIDE............COLD
FEAR.....DEATH ......HELL .........SCARED PERFECTIONIST
BLACK .....MORBID....ANGER.....HELL
...............................................UGLY
.......IMPORTANT.........NECESSARY.........PURPOSE
DEATH........SAD..........DIFFERENT .......... CLODDY .........CURED
........................................................... PURPOSE
......................................... EXPERIENCED
EMOTIONAL.....VIEWS.....FEELINGS...... EMOTIONS....... PRAYER..... SPIRITUAL
Sometimes I detest being alive oh well there isn't to do
I am free, do my own thing. And also frustrating at times, but onward. Sad too but onward. Very sad but good kids I have too. People are sad and make me sad. Look at me now, help me God. I am frustrated because I cannot read or speak well. It's difficult to speek becuase of the aphasia. But God is good but I know in my heart, some day cured.
Since my injury my spiritual beliefs have raise to God-onward. god is very good to me and also someday cured. Frusterating at times but good experience. I remember noting. I severed an avety. I'm frusterated b/c I am very different now-b/c the injury-very sad. It's frusterating-I understand it but it's difficult to say. It's coming back, recognizing words-very slowly. Very Strange. Absolutely strange. Frusterating too! Any way-I feel I have a calling to God decisions- I know maybe Leah, Ray, & Jake are proud-they are strugggeling, but it's O.K. Me too-am struggeling. God is the trees-see beautiful...maybe talk to a friend...same as me...talk in the park. Painting again. Before me and the kids...the trailer park...Years ago...painting...I don't know.
Always talk to a friend, maybe whats the mater...maybe walk again, talk again. I would tell others about peacefulness, rest yourself, look around the scenery again. My future dreams are to be content. Now, even, its O.K, it's very peaceful. To each is own, but so what. Help myself understand and communicate. Maybe paper...meet the mailman. Acceptance-accept me, so what that I have a brain injury. It's very different. Onward, trying to express myself-ONWARD.
As strange as it may seem, good things happen. The kids are marvelous.....years and years, but now marvelous.
But now upward, maybe see the kids again and Sal too. Years ago, I was married to Sal.. a year ago today, thank Sal for everything, the kids give money to help me recover. In two weeks Jake is graduating from high school. He has a baby, but o.k., girl too. It's o.k.
I am proud of all three of them, struggeling , and made it. study too- marvelous. Me alone again, maybe mother difficult b/c of injury, I am sad but ONWARD too. Maybe some day to talk again. Maybe I will learn on a computer. Cured.but now bettering myself To think The key board is important. severed arety but God cure myelf, amybe some day, I don't know when but I understand.