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An artistic expression created by three strong women who feel the connections between, nature, themselves, and the universe. Namaste
Common Theme
neurons/brain/dendrites
repetition
straying off path straight/narrow
edify
brown, beautiful trees
seeking out own path
be pointed to give us joy
strength, encouragement
no strangers - just friends who haven't met
advocate
lechery, communication
gluttony, living with friend
connected
power
Existentialism
freedom
risk taking
courage
synapses
inertia, positive
support
stay with it
life is hard, but we have to do it anyway
adaptable
learning to live with change
Theme
about becoming
transformation
redeveloping creative soul(the part that dies with BI)
finding who we are again
finding spirit again
empowering the physical & really seeing the soul
enjoying who we are
exploring & appreciation of
who we are & who we are becoming
appreciating ethereal beauty
more true self at surface easier to see
serenity
simplicity
pureness
no garbage
acceptance of deficits
owning weaknesses and strengths
taking responsibility
owning actions/behaviors - consequences
adventuring through it all
journeying through becoming & enjoying
having fun
laughter; laughter; laughter
laughter at self
crying
balance - chi ~
yin-yangv
burying old self
letting go
pretending
time
process
lost time
egocentric
selfism
loss
during recovery time is measured in accomplishments
not time
altered sense of time
developing spirituality
becoming part of the cosmos again
altered sense of self
remembering I am part of the cosmos
meditation
healing
self expression
self discovery
wonderment
touch
memory - forgetfulness
adaptation, compensation
inspiration
patterns - crystals
strength in community
fear(unknown)
excitement
push self out of routine
recovery
taking care
diabetic
emotions
gratitude
willingness
associations
compassion/forgiveness
evergreen
color
freedom
free
trees
color
symbols - empowering
acceptance - life is empty & meaningless
prayer
life is a big joke
interpretations
perceptions
hairdos
reality
play
balance
taking things literally
seriousness
air
wings
oceans
skies
earth
fire
sex, sexuality
Tegretol
depression
overwhelmed
stimulation/over stimulation
simulation/masturbation
filtering
coffee
java
cappuccino
honesty to self and others
rejection
avoidance
impulsive
disinhibition
acting like a fool
not understanding
embarrassing
humiliation
joke over head
"I don't get it"
"What do you mean"
"It's too broad for me"
"break it down"
"huh?"
"oh really" - "u-huh"
"ah, huh"
dancing
singing
process
acting
mazes
"dayon" singing
music
releasing tension
stress
follow through
completion
brain damage
we're special
we're exceptional
humor
altered sense of humor
challenge breath
sighs
yawn
screams
anger
frustration
mayhem
others not understanding
tiredness
follow through
completion
tarot cards
astral
irritability
wholistic
profound
continual
pathways
choices
help- asking for it
recognizing it
outcomes
battle/war
spreading the peace
line(?)
boundaries
parameters
anxiety
panic
chaos
infinity
making/being a stand for others
(images)
Evergreen
Trees
(image here)
Three evergreens
stand proud & strong
strong through the
changes of season
~ evergreens are constantly green, yet always growing and changing ~
Trees are my thing. I visualized my brain neurons as trees. Trees are my healing. Six months after my brain injury a fellow student explained brain damage to me, not knowing I'd had my brain injury. Using the visual analogy of tree branches, showing her fingers, death, compensation and re-growth. It was such a strong and powerful visual expression - that I went home and committed myself to draw trees every night and write every night - even if just a few words. It was the biggest commitment I'd ever made. I drew trees every night. Slowly the compositions got more complicated. Slowly they got more conceptual. They became finished pieces in and of themselves. The complexity of the tree drawings reflected the ability for my brain to heal - think conceptual thoughts. I was visualizing my brain to heal. My brain healed. I was getting better - day-by-day, week by week, month by month, now year by year. Trees hold the potential of life and the universe within. The tree symbolizes re-growth. The tree symbolizes the many challenges one has to go through - a friend recognized as he looked onto the tree, after sustaining a spinal chord injury that has left him a quadriplegic. The tree - symbolic of religion. Each limb and branch represents the many sects and names of religions. Yet they all connect to the trunk. The trunk represents the oneness - God - all religions are speaking about the same ultimate God, yet giving different names and stories to it. I pray that the people of different limbs, branches and twigs can release their clinging to 'their way" and see that all religions are saying the same thing ~ PEACE - LOVE - JUSTICE - TRUTH - For All - forever.
Becoming~~~
(image here)
~~~
never ending
A continual journey to?
A part of something greater?
Who I am and will be?
Transformation
(image here)
through emotions, physical changes,
and from one experience to another. It is
hard for me to remember, so it is hard for
me to compare. But I know it happened
because I am who I am.
Redeveloping the Creative Soul-
With me, my creativity died with my brain injury. It was a part of my spirit, my soul - who I was. Working to re-nurture that seed and tend to that re-blossoming of something so important to me was a difficult, yet vital and rewarding part of recovery.
Finding who we are again is hard when we don't know who we are or who we want to be. I know
I'm here somewhere. I think I'm here somewhere.
(image here)
EMPOWERING THE PHYSICAL
It's hard sometimes to get the body started.
I know what to do, but my legs don't work right when
I try to walk. I knew how to use my hands to hang on,
but suddenly they let go. I need to get out of bed and
face the day. Stop procrastinating and move out.
WALK, RUN, JOG, CRAWL, DRIVE, FLY --------
ENJOYING WHO WE ARE
I get so involved sometimes in who I was,
or who I will be, that I forget to rejoice in who I am. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is yet to come. I only have today. I am special and unique and the only one of me there is in the whole world. I should spend more time enjoying myself. I think I will?starting today.
Simplicity/Pureness
(image here)
After my brain injury, I found the facades were gone. My peers had no need or desires to hide themselves. Their feelings lie open for all to see. My feelings were open for all to know. They had no time to get diluted and no time to complicate themselves. Either you accept me as I am or reject me as I am. I am me.
COLOR- I SEE THEM ALL MORE VIVIDLY MORE CLEARLY
I am eternally grateful for the gift of vision. The ability to paint and draw in color. The many beautiful colors of the human pigment. We are all so profoundly connected- we are one huge family. Thank God!
(images here)
Symbols represent cultural values and meanings. Symbols represent personal empowering meaning. Peace, Love, happiness, and growth - and now for my entire life.
Symbols - empowering ones - have amazing potential to support anyone to heal themselves ~ this art piece the three of us are making is an empowering symbol and representation of our transformation and growth.
Symbols have been used forever ~
Symbols make meaning to a LIFE THAT IS EMPTY AND MEANINGLESS.
LIFE IS EMPTY & MEANINGLESS ?SO?let's have fun & make empowering meaning out of
EVERYTHING
(images here)
LIFE IS A
BIG
fat hairy
(peace sign here)
JOKE!
ANYWAYS
We each get to make our own
Interpretations of life anyways.
I have chosen to interpret my life in self and others empowering and peaceful ways. Always open to learn more of my depth, behavior and relationship with Spirit.
Spirit!
We each have the free
choice
To decide how we will
interpret
any given situation.
We are FREE to choose. We are also free to choose to be FREE and live our lives in union and cooperation with the divine laws of the cosmos.
I AM A FREE SPIRIT~
spreading the (image here) to many.
Reality- is what we choose to
BELIEVE IT TO BE. We each live in our own reality.
PLAY- I need to play more. I so enjoy myself when I feel safe to play and be free with my friends- especially friends with B.I. Playing is important for balancing our lives.
BALANCE
I have to always balance everything in my life to be happy.
Balance. PLAY- PRAYER, WORK, LOVE - thank you Dad Davis
(image here)
SEX- is a great way to express myself and my love for another. Sex is fun. Sex is pleasurable. We are sentient beings. Yet there is more to me than just the sexual pleasures. I want to bring spirit and sacredness to my sexuality. Inshalla! The sexual urge is often misdirected after brain injury, especially for men, especially young men, especially young, single men - anyways, I've found that the only way to be with them and their inappropriate sexual comments is with direct communication - not to slough off what he has done or said. It is by this honest feedback that others, these men, may learn the consequences of their behavior. Sex is often misguided after brain injury.
DEPRESSION - I was very depressed after my brain injury. I wanted to die. I didn't want to be alive. They wanted to put me on medication and I refused. I began taking lecithin, an amino acid. This helped a TON. I am thankful I go through this time of my life. I don't really get depressed now - luckily, I eat healthy, stay clean (no drugs/alcohol.) I am so inspired and grateful for my life - the simple abilities to breathe, walk and talk. Having a closer, intimate relationship with spirit has given me a safe place to be. If I get upset - I get quiet and am one with the higher power and work through it - let go - change and grow.
OVERWHELMED (color- artistic style)
(image here)
I CRY
TEARS
of sadness?
I'm deeply and profoundly reminded and humbled that I have a real
BRAIN INJURY and I will always be affected by it. This is when I most feel overwhelmed. I have learned to effectively compensate for all my deficits - so it's fine. I am aware of it. It does not really matter - as long as I take care of myself. When I get overwhelmed - I need to rest. I haven't had enough sleep. Oh God - let me cry like a baby and release all of the tension, confusion, and fear ~ rest dear one, rest?
(images here)
This happens when I get OVERSTIMULATED and I cannot filter any more - I have learned to focus and filter out distracting noises. It's hard - but I can do it! Inshalla ~
PRAYER
I have learned the power of prayer and peace since my brain injury. I did not pray before. I pray daily now. I pray for others. I pray for peace. I pray for love. I pray for self-realization and healing. I pray for humanity?
(image here)
If I do not understand - and it's just my protective nature from childhood - I take things in my life seriously. I interpret, out of old habit, to take things seriously. I am learning to be lighter. It's also new now - because I don't understand subtlety; to take things literally and seriously. I am slowly learning to be lighter. It's o.k. though. I've also accepted that I am just by nature a deep and serious person. I always gain more lightness - day by day.
SUN (images here)
AIR
WIND
EARTH
THE ELEMENTS ARE ONE
COFFEE
I've done it but I don't anymore. If I'm tired I need to rest. I feel that if I drink coffee - I am lying to myself - that I'm awake. So I take the time to nap. Instead of drink coffee - unless I am driving.
HONESTY
I try to be honest to myself and all others. Honesty is very important to me. Honesty and integrity.
I am very impulsive and disinhibited since injury.
It makes my life interesting - that's for sure. I literally think I am crazy - so being impulsive (actually not always- I am learning to monitor this better,) but being impulsive brings great joy and humor to my life as it's hilarious most times ~ it's not serious at all ~ I act like a fool ~ I often "don't get it" and say this when I am able to trust the people I am with. If I feel vulnerable - I just pretend that I get it. I just agree and look like I understand. I am getting better at owning not understanding.
DANCING (image here)
SINGING (image here)
ACTING
(image here)
All important ways to express ourselves
(image here) MUSIC (image here) ART
(image here)
ways to express our truth, learn about other's insights and poetry, ways of communicating soul and spirit ~ ways to have FUN, LAUGH, PLAY, AND BE FREE! Ways of releasing tensions! Expressing & letting go of stress. STRESS - needing to refocus and let go. Relax - get a massage. Deal with the source of the stress rather than treat the symptoms of stress.
ANXIETY - I get this anxious feeling in my chest at times - when - I still don't understand?. maybe when I am stressed or I don't know what I'm feeling. Or I think about something that I can do nothing about ~ it's something I breathe into - it's something - a part of me I need to heal and realize so I may be free!
HUMOR - humor is healing. I've learned to laugh at myself for the silly mistakes and misunderstandings I make. Humor shared with others is also very healing. Like these two - Marcia & Bev
SURRENDER -
(flag image here)
I have found during my recovery process that if I surrender to the greater powers that be - that all works out for the best. I have found - the longer I journey on my recovery that I have surrendered my life - my human will ~ to the greatest will of God ~ the
ETERNAL WISDOM.
SEQUENCING IS A PROBLEM
I have learned to cope and adapt and surrender and let go of trying to get it right - it all works out in the end. It all works out for the best ~ whatever I may think at the time.
(image here)
THE MOON ~ guides my way
EMPOWERMENT - I am committed to self-empowerment. Living and being all that I'm able to be. I am committed to providing a safe environment for others so they may discover a seed of their own personal empowerment.
OWNING themselves, taking responsibility for my actions, encouraging others to do the same. Being empowered so others may watch and learn what they will and interpret in their own way so they can live a more self expressive and loving life - towards themselves and others. It's hard to put this all into words in a coherent way - but I do the best I can right now. I thank God for my life.
FRIENDS & FAMILY
My friends have changed since my brain injury. Some have stayed. The ones I have now are very real. I have many levels of friends. I love my friends. My family has been awesome. They have supported me phenomenally. I am so grateful for all that they have done for me and for who they are. I learn from each of them - lessons about life. Lessons about my being, lessons about my ego.
WE
ARE (image here)
ONE
DEATH My old self died when I got my brain injury.
I had to let go of her and her values, ideas, and dreams.
Fortunately, she lives near - so I have gotten to learn
and
remember her ways- and take the ones I like today. But
she
died. I buried her. All of the strengths of my old life
are
buried in my grave. I honor who I was before. Most
people
cannot see a change. This is fine. I know I am
different, beyond
just aging. I have deficits. I have a new perspective
on life.
I love my old self. I have let her go, yet she is always
with me.
Guess it's the profound PARADOX of my life.
Ultimately death is just an illusion, we change states when we leave
the body -
MY DEAR FRIEND ADEL AKHNOUKH
died in the car accident so that I could have a second chance to LIVE I feel very guided by Adel's spirit in my life - in all that is offered to me. All that happens to me. Inshalla is all I can say. I now feel COMPASSION for others, EMPATHY also. I did not feel or know these emotions before.
DREAMS - are the unconscious communicating to my conscious self. If I can open myself - I can learn from the dreams I have. I am thankful for the dream state.
FAITH - Is what has gotten be through this - faith and willpower and surrender ~
PAIN - I have physical pain in my body. I ignore it mostly - I also practice yoga to keep my body stretched. When I don't - I have more pain - I cannot complain. I experience emotional
pain around love and loss. I learn. I feel. I grow. I continue?
I CARE FOR MYSELF - BEST I CAN.
I balance between stretching, walking, eating healthy, breathing, journaling, sharing with friends, listening, opening my mind and heart to others - to the universe.
THE UNIVERSE ~ THE COSMOS - so awesome - everything. Too profound for words. If you know - you know ~ that's all - we & all are
ONE - UNITED TOGETHER FOREVER ~
I feel weak. I feel insecure, I get this horrible anxious feeling in my chest. I have so much more to learn. It's challenging for me to express my feelings. I love God. I've given my life to God. Life is awesome. Life is odd. I learn lessons from everything that happens in my life.
Ten Rules For Being Human (modified)
failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately works. here. When your there has become a here you will simply obtain another there that will again look better than here. AFFIRMATION
I have been saying this affirmation as a part of my healing. I created it 2 years after my injury ~
it varies as I grow and change and am faced with new life challenges, etc?. but the basic affirmation stays the same. It is deeply ingrained in my being and has been very important for my current recovery level?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know the difference?
I am a beautiful & loving person. I always have been &
I always will be. I can do & be, whatever I'd like
to do & be. My inner child is being loved & respected by
my adult self, my adult self is being loved & guided
by my wise woman - the spirit owl and eagle. She is also
helping to re-unite Castor and Pollux, my inner twins,
for with their re-unification I can live my life from a deeper
source of inner peace, inner-love, inner respect, inner
balance, with their re-unification I can live my life from a
deeper source of androgyny - where all perceived dualities
are actually a part of the Greater Oneness; black-white,
positive/negative, male/female, good/evil, right/wrong - it's
all the same?In this moment I ask God to show me God -
so I may live in light with the Ultimate Oneness?. ~
Acceptance of Deficit
This was extremely difficult for me to do. Was it denial, I don't think so. You can only deny what you know you have. Many of my deficits, I didn't know I had. You can only accept what you know you have. It wasn't until I lived with my deficits out in the real world, out of a hospital or clinic, that I could begin to accept. We accept our deficits from failure and challenges and picking ourselves up and trying again. I have grieved my losses and now I am ready to go on.
OWNING WEAKNESSES AND STRENGTHS
Take me as I am. With all that I can do and all that I can't. I have marvelous strengths that I can use on my healing journey. Don't worry I do them well. I build on them and use them as a basis of my foundation. I sometimes wish there were more of them but I've always been a little greedy - wanting more of "can do's" and less of "can't do's." Even my weaknesses are small things that sometimes complement my strengths. Being both weak and strong is O.K. It takes some adjustment sometimes in giving and taking, but what is important, really important is that the strengths and weaknesses are who I am. I like that.
OWNING ACTIONS, BEHAVIORS, AND CONSEQUENCES
I have often wished I could take back my actions and certain behaviors. They have made me humiliated, ashamed and disappointed. I also wish I could repeat some things that have made me proud and built my self-esteem. But rather I am humiliated or proud, they are mine. I will learn to own them, control them and live with the consequences I create.
Adventuring through it all
Brain injury recovery is a long trip. It can be a traffic jam or it can be an adventure into the unknown. I never travel in straight lines. Sometimes I go in circles but I like to see and feel and touch the unexpected. Adventuring to me means seeking out new paths and meeting new friends and experiencing new things. Often I go out with nothing in mind but to enjoy what happens. Enjoying a sunset, the ocean, a trek through the foliage helps to keep me calm enough to handle what life throws my way. It is good to control at times and at others let the force of the adventure take me wherever. I love to be carried to a part of something bigger-
(image here)
YEAH!!!
(image here)
LAUGHTER
Probably the most valuable tool in my arsenal. God! I love to laugh. It makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel good about others. It rejuvenates the natural oils and keeps me lubricated. So that when I need to let things roll off me, they do. I love to laugh. I love to laugh with you. It makes the time go faster and puts an acceptance to whatever we laugh about. It doesn't matter if it is a giggle or a chuckle or robust belly laugh. I love the aftermath. I saw many of my deficits during recovery during episodes of laughter. It made them acceptable and put them in a way I could cope with them. A cure for all - if I can only let loose. I try. I need to. It is a magic cure for me. Laughter for me has become my best teacher on my journey to becoming.
crying
is to me like the rain in the garden. It's necessary and the more often I cry, the more often I nurture myself.
Some people are afraid of crying. After brain injury we cry when the surface is peeled off - like an onion. But it doesn't last long for me. I just love to let go an sometimes letting go hurts - whether it is in the past, feelings, people, or whatever. I need a little time to grieve the loss. Sometimes you need to just give me that time and let me be. Sometimes you can help me cry. It's okay if you do.
PRETENDING
(image here)
Sometimes I need a mask. I need to take a time out. I need to protect myself. I am vulnerable and I can be hurt easily. What people who don't understand can't see, is best kept hidden on occasion. I will pretend that I am whole, that I can't be hurt and that I am protected. I know it's just pretending - but others don't have to. No one will know but me, and now you.
(image here)
a see saw of life
us
setting priorities
letting go
me
grieving
living
man
God
wellness
activities
ideas
joy
action
independence
work
emotions
dependence
control
sadness
play
sublimation
confidence
(image here)
BALANCE
LETTING GO
I can do it alone!
Dare I let go?
OH GOD! Will someone catch me?
(image here)
I'll hang on a bit longer. I don't want
any more losses. I'm going to hang on for
dear life. Let go of what? One for the money
2 for the show 3 to get ready
4 to let go. - 5???
Time lost - Time gained
Here
There
Time to do things - Time to undo things
Time to rest - Time to work - Time
To think - Time to do -
Time Time Time Time Time
Time Time
The most precious commodity we have.
The most challenging of things we can lose.
totally unreplaceable, totally unretrievable,
non stopping, forgiving, allows healing?
(image here)
"to make the donuts, give it time"
cures all things(ha ha)?not brain injury
Don't hurry. Slow down. We've got a
lifetime. Keep up! Say it again, please.
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat. Write it down or
it's gone. What happened? When? Read your book. Take your time.
I can wait!
WHO CHANGED TIME? Who altered the passage of time?
What did I do between then and now? How much have I improved.
Time is measured by my accomplishments. What can I do today that I
couldn't do last week, yesterday, or last month.
Becoming part of the cosmos again
(image here)
Who am I? I need to belong to the universe.
I need to be a part of greater things.
I am whole. I am partial.
I am a connector to the art of living.
(image here)
I am a shadow in the sun.
I am a part of the
???Universe. ???
(images here)
Oh God! How beautiful the world is today. The sun, the seasons, a new day to be me!
I am beautiful! Maybe not in the physical sense, but in my heart and mind. I see the colors
there that transform and illuminate shadows. Sometimes beauty is hidden by the shadows
and we find it hard to visualize it. Recovery from brain injury is a process that is beautiful in
itself. Healing one's wounds and regenerating, rejuvenating, and revitalizing. I see beauty in
the growth (or regrowth) of all living things. What a gorgeous day today! I am healing. I have
to talk to you again later.
(images here)
ALONENESS
Are we
really ever
alone or do we just think we are at times?
There is such a difference for me between being lonely and aloneness - one is a temporary
state of feeling that is not controllable. Being lonely is a crying out for friends, for relationships,
for people to share with and a wish to change the situation. Aloneness for me is solitude. Having
a chance to enjoy myself on my own terms. After my injury, I needed to have that time to think out my problems and plans and dreams. I ask myself often. Am I lonely or alone? God is always with me so I am never alone. That kind of companionship and support makes it very hard to be really lonely. I have to think more about that.
(image here)
TEAMWORK
links - chains - groups - goals
strategies - compensations - accomodations
parameters - paradigms - decisions - outcomes
workers - colleagues - family - friends
doctors - nurses - therapists - counselors
me - you - they - them - those - we - us
somebody - anybody - nobody - everybody
necessity - probablility - possibility -
support - united - together - bonded
entertwined - enmeshed
ONE
circle of friends/relationships
colleagues
family
love
repetition
redefinition
distinquish between _________
health - nutrition
medical
risk-taking
embracing new self
re-learning
becoming one
remembering
being born again/rebirth
DEATH
body/mind/spirit
timelessness
eternity
waiting
learning lessons
karma
no death/reincarnation
awareness - self
awakening
God
positive visualization
hope
re-growth
emotions
feelings
insecurity
fantasy
weak
dreams
sounds & sights
appreciation
wonderment
awesome appreciation of oneness
eternal wisdom
questions
powerful
beauty
seasons
year/life/knowledge
empowerment
advocacy
caring about others
compassion
empathy - profounder
control - letting go of
lack of control
surrender
submission
the moon/the sun
guidance
leadership
giving/taking/sharing
accepting
new friends
teams/teamwork
support - out/in
changing/transform
belonging
believing
Humpty Dumpty
Jack & Jill
trusting
Faith
confusing
doubt
exhaustion
despair
pain - physical/emotional/spiritual
hurts/wounds
infinite truths
the universe
caring for self
self love
Dreams and nightmares
sights and sounds
Were they just visions, or some strange
Reality
I hang on to my
Dreams, & dream
what I see, sounds
turn to noise or distant
symphonies
Appreciation of it all, what does that mean - sometimes - other times appreciation of others, all the gifts the love the challenges & most of all the friendship.
I look at the trees, I look at the sky, I look at your eyes & feel the warmth feel the grass & I am in WONDERMENT at it all, the awe of life & where is comes from how did it begin & where it is going and where do I fit in.
When I try to visualize my spirit I see it as a single atom that is a part of the oneness of us all, the eternal universe
Questions???1111?????
beauty - I never was a physical beauty, mine came out in my smile and eyes. Superficial people always passed me by and still do. So, I always have had the opportunity to meet the best.
Seasons are the representation of living our birth - our development our maturity and our death, since the cycle of the seasons is endless so must our spirits be.
Advocacy I reach out my hand because I have fallen and believe it or not someone is there to pick me up. Now it is my joy to extend my hand to help you if you want it.
I close my eyes and attempt to see what it is you feel. I close my eyes and try to understand what it is you feel. I open my eyes and look into yours and try to hear what it is you are trying to say. I hope I can empathize and support you, I hope I don't sympathize and cripple you. I pray my compassion is felt for what it is intended. I hope you feel the same for me, if you can.
I am nothing & so are you, so no one is really in control we only think we are.
The moon - is bright & full & I feel like I'm free to dancer naked & scream. I guess I'm a lunatic & I love it!
The sun - warms my body, my heart and enlightens. All are energized over-stimulated thank God there are clouds to keep me from exploding.
After my injury I would stare out like a fractured statue with my hands outstretched in despair eager to be transformed into something else. I was but I still don't understand it.
Rehab. reached out their hands hoping & attempting to guide me to a healthier concept of myself and my life. Thank-you.
Beverly- shared with me her strength, her joy, her pain & together we shared our growth, that's a powerful NEW FRIEND.
Trusting - I'm not sure really what that means since my mind is never really sure, what's real, what's imagined or what is simply a thought.
Confusion is pervasive, rampant and always.
Exhaustion is what is always nearby attempting to erode everything.
Despair, HOPE - Contradictions - balance - life
I can't write about pain, I can only feel it!
When I forget "I" when I forge "you" the universe envelops me, us.
I must care for myself in order to be independent.
I must care for myself to love myself.
I must care for myself to love you.
I must care for myself for you to love me.
I must care for myself to care for you.
Teams I always wanted to play big league baseball but I found out women cannot play. But I still like those old Yankee uniforms.
But I joined a big league team anyway, it had an O.T., P.T., S.T., R.T., and a neuropsych., my family, my V.R. counselor and my new friends. Oops I almost forgot ME.
Leadership - they made me president
The jokes on them.
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circle of friends
at least heads are round
repetition
repetition
repetition
repetition
Medical mayhem - the doctors are all so busy, more blood, MRI's, spinal tap, TAP my knee, wiggle my fingers, wiggle your toes, the answer always seems to be "We just don't know." "Something's wrong, we simply can't say, but you better take this drug anyway."
Health - a state of being well
or simply whatever or wherever we are at now.
I like the first, a state of wellness.
I wonder if I will ever be truly well again, no drugs, no seizures,
no pain, no confusion, I hope so.
To take a risk, take a chance
gamble a little on finding something new
it's the greatest joy & thrill
No stagnating pond of scum for me
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unless I get to be a paramecium
To face a fear & find out I'm free
To climb a mountain, to build a tree
Thank God it never ends
Even Death is a risk, one we must take
But it's up to me how I face it
with fear or curiousity.
I gained a lot of weight after my injury, "they" keep telling me to embrace my new self, but my arms won't reach anymore.
I'm infested or inhabited by another person who calls themselves Marcia that's my name. When someone calls Marcia I'm not sure who they are asking for, so I let the other one answer, it almost always for her. Now the years have past and I've forgot who is who so she is me and I am her. We are bit quite one, but soon will be.
My memory isn't bad, it's processing information that is. They compare it to a computer. Well I'm not a computer, I'm a human and it turns into confusion, or forgetting or knowing, so no matter what you call it's my memory is bad.
Death is always calling me, when I'm tired I hear it loud and clear. I wonder why it wants me so. I always feel so near. Life is always pulling at me hanging on with a strong grip to keep from lure of Death.
When I feel overwhelmed, exhausted, confused I curl up in a fetal ball and let my soul listen to the peace of death.
Simplicity is the key to healing, to living, to being. I am no longer a simple person. Lack of cognitive skills is not simple. I long for simplicity.
Appreciating ethereal beauty - the sense that there are no words, no visions, even no touch, that an experience, a movement, can be beautiful. Take the moment to savor it & it will always be yours.
Denial is a word that means something different to means, I guess I'm in denial "I can do anything!" oh, intellectually I understand my deficits, but no one will take away my hope that I can do ANYTHING.
I choose to take a step forward, I know when I do, I may step on an ant and kill it is my responsibility, to think things out before hand, if I do not, or do it incorrectly, it is my responsibility!
On my wall is a painting of a hilly road; it has been with me for 15 years I travel that road consciously and sometimes unconsciously. It's my ROAD.
I'm not waiting for the end of the road to find out where I'm going or who I am. I travel to the west for awhile then go east, in every direction, stop at the side, or go into the wilderness, I guess I'm creating my own road, not following someone else's, it's an adventure not always good, sometimes lonely, sometimes exciting, sometimes really rough terrain, it is my road, I am becoming who I am each step of the way.
ANGER: Yes!
(image here)
(image here)
Fear is like a geode, the coarse ugly outside, hard barrier, that keeps you from finding something wonderful - how do you open, what tools do you need, do you just throw it away
walk away. Face your Fear Face your challenge Open the geode it is wonderful and you'll have new skills, new courage, and now you're Free, of at least that fear and ready to face the next one.
(image here)
(image here)
(image here)
circle of rebirth