Workshop Feedback
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"This image depicts my life after having sustained traumatic brain injury. In this composition, I have been able to express where I feel after a two years lapse since my injury. I feel strongly "rooted" in my beliefs about who I am, yet my behaviors show differently and my actions are adverse...I can identify my current life experience with the tree, standing alone on an island in the middle of the sea...I feel open to possibilities regarding recovery and the future. I have a broad horizon that I will always make progress...The dark sky represents the challenges that I face every day...The sun is going down but we know it will return bringing back another day. Recovery is never ending. Survival requires strength."
SURVIVAL
GETTING THROUGH IT
LIFE
PEERS
EVERYTHING
SCHOOL
CHANGES-brain, body, mind, spirit, soul
-physical
-cognitive
-emotional
-visual
-sexual
-family
-relationships
-needs
-anger
-sadness
-persistance
-courage
-friends more important
-jealous-sports, grades, loss
exclusion-social isolation
confusion
frustrated
external approval-need for people
comes from outside
self worth
feel better that did but...still have probs not feeling included
feeling different (bad sense)
sought out people who give verbal approval of looks not content
love
female friends
eleanor, mala, erica, corrina, Rebecca, Kristin
male friends
lance, Ryan, josh, edward, dre
more than friends
guambi
family
ziggy-brute, menace
stand up for self and friends
direct-strong
nothings perfect
in darkness of things I can always find light
freedom
inner peace
getting there
change with family
-b/c had to be so close
made me distance self from them
-establish who "I" am
-others unwilling to accept new clare
-have adjusted to be able to accept self
why me?
-adoption
-injury
good to revisit and feel
Life has many obstacles to overcome unfortunately some of us are not able to choose the things we want to overcome.
my life has gone through a period of normalcy-however you choose to define "normal"-to a period of great struggle and distress-to a slow and for the most part steady climb upwards
Social-rehab has been one the more difficult things for me to deal with and as I sought for external approval. I had problems being able to see through people and through what their intentions behind their words were. Hence my problems with isolation in scholl-the thing is that I'm not quite ready to forgive those who would not- to begin with, be there for me, but I guess this is some what of a sort of self inflicted isolation. I'm just not quite ready to drop my wall to them yet. Physical rehab is also something that I've just recently gone back to because I wasn't satisfied in where I was or how I was physically functioning. I guess it was quite obvious when I was wearing the leg braces that something was "wrong" with me (I don't like that word.)
But, now, yeah I have a little bit of trouble with my gait but I hoep that with my newly started rehab, I'll be able to improve it as much as possible cognitively. I suffered quite tremendously. I went from being one of the top 10 students in my year to failing out of math and getting rather low grades in my other classes but this year, with help from some of my teachers (i.e. Mrs. Buchwalter, Mrs. Havlik, Sra. clorens, Mrs. Bing, etc) I was able to withhold nothing less than an 88 or high "B" average for this year. I did well pretty much all year getting mostly A's and B's and one or two C's but oh well.. Evidently I'm still making improvements.
Visually, I'm only able to see 4/5 of what I should, or something like that . It's annoying although, I recently realized that it's really hard for me to look straight ahead and that my eyes automatically shift to the left to compensate. This impairment, unfortunately, may prohibit me from driving.
Relationships have also been come easier for me to define. I mean whether a friend or jsut a peer and so on.
I guess with my family, changes have occurred beign that since out fo my control, I had to be so close to them, I'm now trying to distance myself from them.
Though I need my space as well as the comfort of having some certain peoples in my life. I also need what I like to refer to as "me-time" and time to kick back and relax. I need privacy and freedom and respect. I need assistance in school-with reformatting tests, worksheets, and what not. I need people like Ziggy, Corrina, Bonnie etc. to listen and not judge me.
The need of close relationships have become increasingly important to me. I'd now, rather have a sparse amount of real friends than a large amount of fakes. The few important peoples in my life, outside of immediate and extended family mean so much to me. I'm quite happy with the few but very close friends that I have @ this current time in my life.
The only thing that bothers me is, how to various people in school, I've dropped off the face of the earth, hence they have nothing to do with me. I guess I've learned the hard way about what REAL friendship is.
Prior to my injury, I got involved in sports which provided a whole group of girls for me to be in relationships with and since my injury, I've been unable to do these. I don't want to get back into school sports.
I don't quite know why that's just how it is.
.......of myself in some of the things that I do so I feel as though I need some reassurance in things that I do and I need to be told that what I'm doing is right or "ok" or "correct'>
I'll do things to and for people if they give me the gratificaiton I want. I want approval and to feel wanted and to feel beautiful.
Anger- I have nobody to blame for my injury. So I take my anger out on people I shouldn't. I have all this anger inside. Why me? Why was I born this I am a statistic now, one in a million. I am accepting this. But when people make fun of me for what happened and are mean to me, it hurts. I am very reactionary. I am not an angry person. I get bitchy when people wrongly accuse me or provoke me, abandon me. I have so much going on in me, with me, about me. I have to worry about the whole rehabilitation, whether I will be successful or not, whether my social this is and that's will get better. I only care about how I act with people who I have contact with or who I will see again.
Sadness- I get sad about the way I get treated by people. I am not sad about my changes, except my vision. I'm just sad to have had to learn to live with them. It takes so much of my time up. I get sad learning how to cope with loss- my own and others.
Persistence -it's just hard and I have to keep going. Life is a bitch. I love the special people I have in it outside of my family. Family life is hard sometimes, but I care for them it's hard at times to show them.
It's hard to show because I need separate myself so I can create a whole sense of self. Courage-There is courage in being able to identify myself and find out who "I" am, when ther I so much pressure to conform. It takes courage to stand up for myself which I have gotten really good at. The courage to be there for myself. To accept myself.
I am too confused to write naturally about confusion right now. I want to be successful in whatever I do in the future. Hence, I continue at school. I want to do to college, grad. school. Marry someone really special and who I respect and who respects me. Have kids, have a nice house, and be happy and have ziggy on our mantle.
Survival-The concrete easy answer of living through it, and having to put up with the shit I get from loads of people. The support I get from people who I love who love me is like fuel to keep me going. Fuel acts as energy and is something everybody needs whether they sustained injury or not. It's one of those perpetual things I need for me to do my best.