Workshop Feedback
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This is the story created at the Brain Injury Association of Montana's State Conference in Bozeman. Conference attendees participated in the art workshop throughout the conference as other presentations were being conducted. The final composition represents the ideas, emotions and thoughts people have about life with traumatic brain injury (TBI).
In relation to current world issues, a linked chain of infinity surrounds the two major elements that the group connects to about their lives with brain injury. The chain links hold many images and scenes that people feel about their lives today and from the past. The composition is spilt by a huge lightning bolt that strikes down a scarecrow at the bottom of the canvas. The lightning bolt also reminds the viewer that 6,000 people are struck down by TBI every day in the U.S.A.
The scarecrow represents how individuals are perceived physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually at the time of injury. Group participants strongly identified with the Scarecrow who thought he didn't have a brain in the story of the Wizard of Oz - both realizing that they do have a brain and have been figuring things out along the way.
In the center of the left circle are the memory of the Twin Towers as they stood in New York City. The American flags represent the pride workshop participants feel for their Country in response to the devastation that occurred on September 11, 2001 and the pride they feel towards themselves for all that they have gone through since their TBI.
"Suddenly we have forgotten ourselves as people with disabilities
and realizes we are part of a society that has been hurt."
The cracked towers, surrounded by friends and family, also symbolize how people remember themselves before their injuries. The clock with broken hands represents how people have lost a sense of time and how people's lives have been broken from past memories.
The circle on the right holds the only three-dimensional image of the art piece - one United Tower, rebuilt from the devastation of having sustained a TBI. As participants recover from their initial traumas, they find that they are stronger if they re-build themselves as one strong self, as one cannot become the memory of who s/he used to be. An American Sign Language symbol with a smiling face covers the face of the new building - the sign translates to "I Love You", a sentiment felt amongst the brain injured community about each other and themselves. A new flag of Peace, with Montana's colors of blue and yellow, flies proudly from the top of the building. On the left of the
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misunderstood
confusion
darkness/light
pain
fear
anger
hopelessness
lost
out of sync/balance
isolation
frustration
tears
prayer
loss/gain
grieving
disappointment
taken for granted
neglect
battles
disconnectedness
hidden
slow
affects people different
patience/impatience
fragmented
depression
sadness
negativity
scared
shattered/dreams
betrayal
change /future/plans
acceptance/society/self
deception/self/others
lack of support
abandonment
a need to be in control
lack of control
domino effect/ripple
dependency
self-esteem
retarding
denial
disabling
devastation
anxiety
GOD
haze
coma
hidden
out of body
who am I
gone forever
born again
inconsistency
unpredictable
acceptance
forgiveness
forgive them for they do not know
justification
defensiveness
sensitivity
brain-washed
discounted
hassles
paralysis
Social Security
lawyers
insurance co's myth
overwhelmed
uncertain
details
speed
fog
coping
being stretched thin
discouragement
breaking
comfortlessness
heartache
name calling
stigmatized
therapy
forgetfulness
care-taking
family support/or lack of
peers- change left behind
responsibility
violence
medication
violated
loss of innocence
grew up faster
centers for neurological skills
rehabilitation
dazed
dual-diagnosis
destruction
illusion
routine
structure
torn
conflicts
different cultures
relating/not(clash)
guilt
education
doctor
learning
a gift
experience
clumsy
love
leaning
trip
love
hope
balance
humor
profanity
bad headaches
no one understands
not being able to remember very important events in life
i.e. having a child
disorientation
fuzzy-cloud
challenging
re-learning
seizures
functioning
forwardness
mind games
difference in location
altered states of consciousness
drugs/management
discriminated against
(self-others)
accessibility
Anormal@
leaders
a miracle
oneness
invisible
opportunity
rebuilding
peace
attitude of the heart
weakness
strength
justice
apathy
looking forward to a new day
isolation
sucks
Untitled
MT
My adventure began the evening I was struck from behind by a young driver with a blood alcohol over .20. I didn't know what happened to me until the next morning when I woke up in I.C.U. My first reaction was fear since I was alone hearing the beeps on the monitor. Finally a nurse entered and told me what happened. I couldn't move and the pain was not too bad since I was given morphine. But after 2 days I decided to be tough and go off all pain medicine. That didn't work! I immediately asked to go back on the medicine. I had never been dependent on drugs before and felt helpless to have to do so. This created more anger. All I wanted to do was go home, go back to my professional work, resume being the wife of 28 years to the same man & mom to 2 wonderful grown daughters.
When I was recovering at home, my husband had to be out of town for a month, so our oldest daughter who has developmental disabilities & living on her own found time to take care of me. She was very caring & compassionate. Her younger sister, a college student, cheered me up with her cheerful phone calls & beautiful art work from her art class. Even our 2 lab dogs & elderly cat were great sources of.... What I wasn't prepared for, however, was the psychological stress I was about to go through on my husband's return. I still was not told by the medical establishment that I may have suffered a brain injury. They said the CAT scan was normal for my brain. What I didn't know was the CAT scans don't always show a traumatic brain injury. I would
get dizzy trying to do situps or rising suddenly from bed. I was becoming more depressed & more fatigued. In the evening, I found I could no longer perform my business appointments as I did before. My focus would disappear upon a distraction. My self esteem was diminished as I asked myself, AWhat is happening to me?@ Finally, an orthopaedic surgeon suggested I see a local therapist, thinking I was suffering a mild brain injury! I will always be grateful to that person for getting me the help I needed.
Several months later, I finally met the young 19-yr. old man who hit me just before the court hearing. I asked to meet with him privately & found him to be a good young man, full of remorse, who apologized to me. I forgave him & we hugged. I asked the judge that he change his sentence to several months of community service, speaking to the other teens about drinking & driving.........the experience...counseling will determine if our marriage will survive.
My perspective on life has changed for the better. I never take life for granted since one's life can end suddenly in the blink of an eye. Keeping a positive attitude is so important & setting goals that are realistic has given me the energy to go on. Reaching out to other individuals with MBI is very rewarding & my life as a volunteer in Special Olympics has taken on new meaning. Most survivors will also report on how you find out who your real friends are after the crisis. I have found new friends both in therapy & support groups & consider myself a very lucky woman.
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Hi there. Today I'll say that to myself. I've come to terms that the girl waking from her coma isn't just the same as the one who crashed her bike before. Today I am different...and now is the time to find out how. Do I love to ski? Am I ready to start a new home with other medical researchers? Am I a lover of classical music? Do I hate driving? Already I have found lots of similarities, and at first, couldn't see any newness. Even in therapy sessions I could teach myself to feel/do/see/plan things the same way my old self would. With a mold so well-known that even huge efforts to regain myself seem easier than the discovery of who my new self is now. Instead of trying and trying and trying and trying to dance in moves that came from the base of my identity, I'll...
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If you have hate in your system or hate in your life. That is not good at all. Should be more love in world.
Name calling is NOT very nice again because it is not in a positive attitude towards people.
I think people like myself should have a good feel feeling towards other people in the world.
What happened in New York is very terrible and bad, again not enough Love in the World!
Ladders
Jason Tweytay(?)
Bill, being the good husband he is, decided to go out and fix the gutter. He went and fetched a ladder out of the garage and obtained the necessary tools. He set things up, climbed the ladder and commenced repair.
He was working not five seconds when his three year old came out to see what his daddy was doing. He was gibbering to his father from the base of the ladder. Suddenly, the family dog, Rex, came around the corner barking and preparing to pounce, lovingly, on the three year old. In between Rex and the three year old however was the ladder. Bill concluded that Rex would knock over his ladder. He shouted "Rex -" but before he could finish the accident had happened. Rex knocked over the ladder while Bill was on it.
Bill did not die but sustained a head injury and wondered if he would ever climb a ladder again. The road to his recovery was long and hard. At first he was very pugnacious and that caused to almost cost him his family. He realized he could not do it all himself. He has a very patient and loving wife that realized his limitations. Bill realized he could no longer be apathetic. If he was going to cope successfully he had to do something himself. He had to be interdependent.
Disability, he realized, was like trying to climb a ladder with some of the rungs missing. Our disability can take a few of the rungs away, but it is still possible to climb to the top. The caregivers are there to steady the ladder for us, or give us a shove when say two rungs in a row are missing.
Bill climbs ladders all the time now. He is still climbing a difficult ladder disability. His three year old, who is now twenty eight was traumatized for a while, by seeing Daddy injured. By seeing the fine example Bill has set by coping successfully with his disability he leads a happy and full life.
Balance
Don Dudley
To me, it comes as not as a weight balance, it is more of balance kinda like- life is a balance- how you balance things out i.e. balance a checkbook or bills. But there are different kinds of balance.
Different cultures
-To me it is different to different people. Say, cowboy & Indians. Different culture - different countries, religion. Because I like to listen. I listen about different nationalities - where they come from. I know where I came from. -This is supposed to be who we are.
Education
-Born to be educated - about basics of life. It gives us the knowledge to prepare for our families & life this goes with learning.
-It is how we perform as...grow life. It is a gift!
Depression
- Personally to me, the mind is filled up with so many sadness, illness, not being wanted or loved, sorrow, anger. It has a lot more.
It can be a battle and disappointments. This is also scary. It has a lot of losses and grieving.
I grieve when a lose a good friend âo" when they go away. Grieving is a whole lot of things.
Include fatigue, scattered dreams all in paper too. These are all part of basics of life. I get a lot of these sometimes.
But ever since my accident
I have seen God. But people oftentimes do not believe in me. My friends are afraid this can happen to them. They go away and donâo?t come back. They do not understand me any more. This leads me to depression.
Brain Siege(a.k.a. Striking Distance) (?)
Mike Fee
Twin towers
Of greed autopathy(?)
Exploitable empathy
And the market falls
Political smiles
And a brain siege
CBS reports
And the crowd roams
In the charred remains
Of an epoch
O Lord, O God
Bless our suffocating pride
Our resilient sentiment
And self sufficiency
Our atrocities
And prepare out weapons.
It's their fault,
Not ours.
In diversity we trust
As the sky explodes
And ashes fall
On the new frontier
The revised frontier
The check your bags
At the terminal scanner
Genetic xray
Disease control
Website
Of tolerance
And unity.
But not really...
If we've learned anything
It has been our undoing
Our return to you, Lord
Is non negotiable
Cheap grace(?) is patriotic
And we are still
In striking distance...
Untitled
Kevin Hawkins
"Altered States of Consiousness" I think of that like a lite switch.
"Drugs/Managment" the first thing I think about is the boss smoking a joint.
"Discriminated against" I am part Indian so I know the feeling
"Accessibility" I know write now I can only do so much.
"Normal" that may qualify as the unhurt
"Leaders" the first ones were parents then school then jobs and some people in meetings like this.
"A miricle" is the help that God gave me!
"Oneness" is being by yourself
"Invisible" means not to be seen
"Opportunity" is a chance at something
"Rebuilding" is to replace or repair something
"Peace" is one of two #1 no fighting #2 part of something
"Harmony/music" I think basically it means to play along so it blends in.
I was in a hospital coma for three months and three days. So it wasnâo?t hidden. I don't know at all about "out of body." "Who am I" is Kevin Hawkins someone with a God given animal ability & bullriding ability & (?) I wasn't "gone forever" or wouldn't be here! "Born again Christian yes"?
"inconsistency" I think there is some but I think my so called sister thinks there is a lot. I think my roommate can predict me well but that is from years of practice!
"Acceptance" I think my acceptance is high.
"Forgiveness" I do that I wish my boss Jim at Bozeman Livestock would 586-1301. "Forgive them" who is them?
"Justification" I am justified I think for all I have done since I was hurt "defensiveness" In the past I got 4 black stripes put on my karotie belt that was from studying two kinds. For the question yes I am and it is natural. "Sensitivity"? "Brainwashed"o? I don't think so. "Discounted"? YES as far as I can tell one of my grate aunts can tell of the improvement and my best friend he told me of fixing the bike then three later I cam out of coma
"Misdiagnosed" I think I have been but don't know about now.
"Medical community" Just because the doctor has a different name it doesn't mean that doctor knows anything any doctor can't look up!
Untitled
Donna Scozzari
Brain Injury is to me: I feel feeling like
-loss of identity
-ability or loss of
-self esteem
-torn
-anger
-guilt
-confusion
-clumsy
-lucky to survive
-hopeless
-stupid
My car accident was a tire blow out in 1995. I broke my neck & back, my face was crushed & rebuilt my jaws were wired.
Lucky to survive but, also I feel angry and sad because Iâo?m not competent anymore.
My children suffer the loss of their "old" mother because I'm a different person now.
Someone I don't like
Someone I don't feel that's capable or someone that's pretty.
I have pain, my self confidence is gone & I've seem to push everyone away ...me go through all my loss I pray I find some way to accept my new self & to function in today's world
I do have faith in God - he protected my children in our accident they didn't get hurt but their pain is losing my as the knew me to all families please get educated to help us all.
Expressing and bleveing
If you are angry relece it into an emaghnery ball and throe it as far as you can. And make shur that it does not hit anyone bleve me I have gone thougt this for 7 years with my mom now I am 9 and I bleve anyone can get beter and incorge you to also.
Bleve
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Elizabeth Wendt
I'm Elizabeth Wendt and I'm wheelchair-bound which can be very frustrating. If my friends call me up and invite me to go somewhere with them I ask, "Are the bathrooms accessable?" If they tell me that they don't know I won't go because I do not want to put them in the awkward situation of having to help me in the restroom. There have been times that my chair won't even fit in the doorways. When I start to feel down I just remember this saying,"Yesterday is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift that's why it's called the present". Thank you God!
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If I keep a green bough in my heart a singing bird will come.
I came to this conference finding it hard to understand others, when really the whole need about the seizures was due to the anger and the isolation of why I felt the need to commit suicideâo?called anger held within for many-many-many years.
I've seen many here - who can't smile - but yet - will!
Those who can't can't walk - walk! Am I stranger than they are? I don't know - they sure are. Why? Look at - I've watched them - moving in there wheel chairs - talk talks, walk walks. There no different because it comes from the heart - they say that the man looks at the outward appearance and God the heart, and to think it not strange concerning firey trials that come before. That He will not put through more what you are able to bear. If that is the case, then we are here, for a reason. As for someone extra extra-special. And you folks are definitely a living proof in His eyes. Thank you.
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Everyone has different attitudes in their hearts.
Love & hate are opposite attitudes of the heart.
Confusion is a type of attitude of the heart.
Young people have very mixed attitudes in their heart.
The attitude called love in my heart, causes me to have mixed emotions.
Being in isolation makes me lonely.
A lot of anger comes out when I'm put in isolation.
Isolation makes me feel cold & depressed.
I've been accused of begging for sympathy when I'm getting blamed for being depressed.
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Tim Magee
I feel betrayal because I lost most of my support and was in denial for a long time because I wouldn't admit that I did it to myself by drinking and driving after working 10 to 12 hrs. on a drilling wrig as a driller, I was about to get my own drilling rig until the wreck messed me up.
I feel betrayal and abandonment because I lost most of my support and was in denial for a long time because I wouldn't admit that I did it to myself...the wreck crippled me up the way it did and I received a closed brain injury.
There are some positive aspects though I don'y drill any longer. I am working again and I am buying my own home thanks to some programs to help people with disabilities. I talk to schools to try and help young people so they don't make the same mistakes I did, that would have been prevented by not getting behind the wheel after drinking. Probably one of the most difficult aspects is starting to socialize again and come out of my shell. That I used alcohol to bring me out of before.
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Chris Wendt
I am deaf. I am named Chris Wendt. Is to hard not easy world. It not here Montana few deaf too. I need interpeter easy talk understand clear. Soon moving to florida most deaf and work easy. In florida easy sign language most deaf. I like don't lip read. Too hard. Other bad people give awful to trouble, and drugs, gamble, and beer. I am not happy to bad people. But I need to help people to good, church, nice talk, other meet. See happen to the future make proud. How are from family. I am fine andâo?But little sign language just "I love you" I make in Florida will happy.
Done
(image here)
"I love you"?
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Looking forward to a new day instead of waking up wishing the day was already over.
Overwhelmed with balancing all the responsibilities and wanting to be good, at the things that are important to me.
Discouragment brings fears with streams of tears
Strength the strength of body and mind
Speed always on the run things are always happening in a hurry.
Overhelmed with life and tired of always being on top of things.
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(author unknown)
(image here)
(image here)
Then: Your brother has a closed head injury brain injury. It's unclear as to what happened. One thing for sure is: alcohol was involved.
Bro says: Sis, I feel retarded.
Sis says: Bro, I love you and wish I could take the feeling away.
Now: Bro says: Sis, I have figured out that whatever happens to someone is part of the process.
Sis says: Bro, I'm proud of you and welcome the new you for I have gained through your growth. Win Win
Then: I hate myself
Now: I'm o.k., I can't smell,
but I can taste!
(image here)
(image here)
Untitled
The first time I realized I had received a TBI was when I was recoverying at home. I was watching Public T.V. and a math program came on and I couldn't remember how to do fractions. Some wouldn't be bothered by this but when you have taken Civil Engineering classes at MSU. So this came as quite a surprise to me, this was only two months after my brain tumor was removed so I was doing better than some but took it just as hard. I latter discovered I was having trouble with memory, balance, speech, loud noises and bright light.
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The world was round and everything had a place
After the crash there was jumbled time and space
We work to return from eternal chaos
With love we will make it.
Helping Love from the "Heart"
Hal Dafoe
Learn to accept your brain engery
Learn to accept your life change
Learn to accept your medical treatments
Avcept the fact "If You Can Not Do
What You Want" - "Do What You Can."
Learn to ask for help and
Lisen to your loved ones and docs.
I have learned the real true
Meaning of love from my
Wife, family, and friends.
Untitled
Don't wait until tomorrow to make it "It's my turn day."
My wife, I married died the day of the accident 5 1/2 years ago. The Mary Jo I had, will never be there again. It has been a gigantic adjustment in my family. When tragedy like this strikes it strengthens your faith. Make the best of a bad situation. It's a bumpy road & we've come a long ways. Thanks to the support of others who have been there and the ones who have come on board.
Hope for a better future.
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D.A.W. (?)
I woke up one day, spring before last. And came to realize that I had changed. It was like another lady had lived in this shell I now call mine. There is documentation and signs "She really was.âo? But she must have left in a hurry - because she left "her" stuff. All is new to me.
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I see my brain injury, now, as a gift that I didn't deserve. It has provided me the opportunity to turn my life around for good. Where once I was the center of my life, I can now enjoy the company of others and give something back from what I have been blessed with. There is purpose.
Keys to success after TBI
Ian
Practice daily meditation
Read daily
Tell a joke every day
Exercise-
--pay attention
Health-
Read a story
Avoid repeat unsuccessful approaches
Try resolving goals differently
Take time to strengthen family relations
Make time
Check for reaction based on neg. mind talk
--Instead respond from heart
--Step back & breathe into it.
Dollar a day fund
Avoid using TBI as an excuse(not taking responsibility)
--What going to do about it(compensate)
Arrive early(5 min.- avoid lateness/lesser to prepare)
Avoid elevating self-esteem by putting another down
Actively live: together we stand/divided we fall
Start "can't...(?) yet"
Take responsibility for choices/don't blame "them"
Pay bills day receive in mail(&date day before due)
Have an artist's date
(artistic expressions create common goals)